It’s OK to not feel festive this Christmas

December has been a long, turbulent month with many highs and lowers. Christmas It is almost here.

Although this may be a cause for joy for many people, with millions of people looking forward to seeing their loved ones and enjoying a roast dinner and all the trimmings, it might not feel as harmonious for others, possibly due to financial and personal reasons.

And put more simply, you just might not be feeling it – but “that’s totally okay,” says Dr Marianne Trent, clinical psychologist Author of The Grief CollectiveHear from a psychologist who explains why the festive blues can strike and how to overcome it.

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Why don’t you feel festive?

There could be many reasons you aren’t feeling festive. “It could be that you’ve experienced grief, sadness or trauma during these last 12 months and so things just aren’t coming as easy as they have done before,” says Trent.

“It might even be that the people you’re spending time with stress you out or make you feel that you’re not enough. Whatever you’re going through it’s important not to invalidate yourself and in doing so, stay kind to yourself.”

The past few years have seen a significant increase in the number of people who are able to afford it. COVID-19 Current and future rise in living costsIt can be difficult to feel happy and content. “Even if we didn’t lose a loved one during the pandemic it is likely that all of us lost or grieved for something during that period. It could be that it meant you didn’t get to do something with someone for the last time or something significant like celebrate a big birthday or get married,” Trent reflects.

“This time was quickly followed by a cost-of-living crisis which means that even home comforts might feel less satisfying than usual. We have a colder home and less money to spend the things we value most. These factors can make it difficult to find Christmas sparkle.

It’s impossible to feel what society wants us to feel, regardless of the events in the world. “Christmas is just a social construction at the end of the day and our bodies and minds don’t always get the memo that we are ‘supposed’ to be cheery. Life doesn’t work like that and it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling and it’s not always necessary to put a positive slant on that.”

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What effect can growing responsibilities have on my festivity?

Although it’s obvious that Christmas isn’t always magical for five-year-olds, there are more reasons for this.

“All of us who were raised by our parents will eventually have to look at them and realize that they are getting older. Trent describes how this realization can lead to sadness and the realization that they are no longer caring for us, but instead caring for them.

“Similarly, if we have children of our own it can feel like you’re now the proper grownup when you might prefer to still be hedonistically at the centre of things being organised around you rather than the creator of the festive fun!”

It is true that those who have children and parents to think about are fortunate in many ways. However, it can also serve as a reminder of growing responsibilities which can feel especially difficult in today’s climate. Trent acknowledges that it is possible to feel less festive if you have lost a loved one.

How can pressure to be merry impact my mental health?

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Christmas is filled with fun events, more social gatherings, and messages of joy and love. This can be great but it can also make life difficult for others.

“Festive holidays don’t always boost our mental health in the ways we might imagine. Trent suggests that people who struggle with perfectionionism or social anxiety, or those trying to figure out how to be comfortable around larger groups of people after following social distancing guidelines, can find it problematic.

“The pressure to have an ‘insta-perfect’ Christmas day can also feel like a heavy lead to carry for some too. It’s also worth saying that for anyone with eating issues or body dysmorphia that Christmas can be a particularly triggering time.”

Although it may seem like everyone is having a great time, keep in mind that everyone is going though something, no matter how small.

What can I do if I feel glum?

First, breathe a sigh, it’s okay to feel a little like Scrooge.

“If you don’t feel festive that’s totally okay. Half the world don’t celebrate Christmas and you don’t have to switch yourself into a cheerful mulled wine supping, mince pie eating headspace just because the calendar has flipped to December,” Trent emphasises.

“Self-acceptance and acceptance are key. You’re lovely just as you are, and if you’re not feeling it then you don’t have to festoon yourself with tinsel just because it’s Christmas.”

You can still find acceptance by doing certain things.

“It might be helpful to do a bit of journaling about the way you’d want to feel by 9pm Christmas day evening,” suggests Trent. What mood state do you want to be in? What would you like to feel proud of? This will allow you to work backwards in order to get to the place you want.

Is it okay to not join in the festivities or can this cause more loneliness? “You can choose what makes your heart happy, and that could mean either jumping in to a large Christmas gathering or sitting it out with your thoughts and enjoying the solitude of being by yourself. There is a distinction between being alone and being isolated. Trent adds.

“It can be wonderfully restorative to spend time alone, but this doesn’t mean we would be feeling lonely. If you feel lonely and want to isolate yourself, this can be a problem.

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What are some ways I can look after my well-being during the holiday season?

It’s about listening to your gut.

“It’s important to think about what our safe and comfortable limits are for eating, drinking and being merry. Trent suggests that getting some sleep, and setting goals for where and how you want to feel by next year, can be a great way to get some rest.

She suggests that you could ask others for assistance rather than trying to do everything yourself.

“If you feel like you’re struggling there is never any shame in reaching out for support or talking to someone you trust who is able to listen non-judgmentally,” says Trent.

You can reach out to a friend, a mental healthcare professional, or a helpline if you have concerns about the content or intensity of your thoughts.

You can call Mind‘s infoline on 0300 123 3393 or email [email protected], open 10am to 6pm, Monday to Friday (except for bank holidays). Contact us for assistance on these days Samaritans You can reach us at 116 123 24/7, any day or night. For urgent care call 999 or visit your nearest A&E.